angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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