Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
As shirtless as possible
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
