I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
