I just saw a hot homeless man
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
