hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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