we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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