His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize