3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
