Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
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