he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
