Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
