I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
