We won't sleep together?
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
