were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
