she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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