Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You made out with two different species that night
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
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