my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize