I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
