We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
