As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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