sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
