dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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