I saw his package. It spoke to me.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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