i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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