I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
