why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
