Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
