Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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