Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
did you just send me my own nude
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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