i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
