Those balls look pretty dangerous.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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