i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
