After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
