when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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