go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I skipped work to stalk him.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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