oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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