Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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