i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
