This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize