first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
