you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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