My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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