I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
