So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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