i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
How does one acquire holy water?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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