Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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