i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
