Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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