Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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