my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
