He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
