You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
