i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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