My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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