I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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