I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize