You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
