I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
