i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
