I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
