I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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