Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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