I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
