Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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