He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize