he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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