doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize