Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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