last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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