TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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