Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
