Did you just see the Batmobile???
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
