why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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