my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
