is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
