Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
