Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
