yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
