Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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