Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
