I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
