i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
