So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
