They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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