so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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