All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
home. puking in laundry basket.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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