ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Swine flu is the new snow day.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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