she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
My penis needs a shock collar
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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