"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
